The Ties that Bind
By AbdulBary Yahya | 2026-01-15T10:35:15.830495+00:00 | Topic: Relationships
The Ties that Bind
By Shaykh AbdulBary Yahya - One Ummah Conference 2016 (The Contemporary Muslim)
Opening Prayer and Testimony
إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَسَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ أَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ
Quranic Verses for Taqwa
"O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him]."
"O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer."
"O you who have believed, fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice. He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment."
The Modern Communication Crisis
أما بعد
Many people nowadays have trouble communicating with their children and in joining relations and coming together. We have a lot of time-saving gadgets - we have instant messaging, instant pictures, instant noodles, we have microwaves, we have telephones, we have cell phones that connect us with the whole world. We can instantly connect to people across the world thousands and thousands of miles away. These are all things that are supposed to save us time, yet it seems the only thing we don't have is time.
The Time Paradox in Family Relations
It seems like we don't have time for our families, we don't have time for our children, we don't have time to come together, we don't have time to visit our neighbors and visit our aunts and uncles, and some of us don't even have time to visit our parents. And so the relationship between different members of our family dwindle, and then we also have less understanding. The young are always saying that the elderly or their parents don't understand them.
The Foundation: Strengthening Bonds
So how can we strengthen this bond? What can we do to strengthen the bond, strengthen our families, strengthen ourselves, and strengthen the ummah? Why? Because of course it starts from us, as you can see the theme: change yourself, change the world.
The Islamic Imperative of Maintaining Family Ties
Nowadays, a lot of people don't understand the importance of enjoining relations in Islam. Enjoining relations is of the utmost importance. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ said in a hadith in Sahih Bukhari:
(Sahih Bukhari 5984)
"One who cuts ties will not enter Jannah."
Sufyan al-Thawri said he who cuts ties, meaning cuts the ties of kinship. And so in order for us to enter Jannah, we have to enjoin relations, we have to learn to love each other, we have to strengthen this bond between us and the people around us - strengthening that bond between us and the people who are closest to us: our parents, our spouses, our aunts and uncles, our grandparents, and the people who are near - our neighbors and so forth.
Signs of the Day of Judgment
Amongst the signs of the Day of Judgment, you see that these relationships start to dwindle. One of the signs that the Prophet ﷺ mentioned amongst the signs of the Day of Judgment, he said:
(Sahih Bukhari 50)
"That you see the Bedouins - barefooted, poor, destitute - competing with each other in building tall buildings."
And of course we see that with our very own eyes in Dubai - they're actually planning another building that's twice as tall as the building that's there, and of course in Jeddah also, and believe it or not also in Kuwait - all in Arabia they're competing for tall buildings.
Children Becoming Masters Over Parents
But I'm mentioning this because the Prophet ﷺ also said after that, amongst the signs of the nearing of the coming of the Hour, he said:
(Sahih Bukhari 50)
"That a woman will give birth to her master."
What does that mean? Well, one of the interpretations as mentioned by some of the scholars, amongst them Imam Manawi and others, he said that there will come a time in which children will be so disobedient to their parents that they will treat their parents as if, or treat their mothers as if they're slaves.
Modern Examples of Disrespectful Children
How does this happen? Well, if you look at some children nowadays, you see that when they want something, when they quote-unquote "need" something, they say to their parents: "Mom, you have to buy this, you have to buy the latest Xbox or PlayStation - you have to!" They're not asking, no - they're ordering. "Everyone has it, you have to buy it for me." Who speaks like that? They are the masters who speak to their slaves. That's how you speak, that's how they used to speak to them. And so children are treating their parents and ordering their parents as if a female slave a woman will give birth to her master. And so the ties of kinship between children and parents, between the household, start to dwindle.
The Solution: Recognizing the Rewards
But how can we change all of that? What are some of the things that we can do? As I mentioned, first and foremost, we have to realize the great reward that Islam enjoins - that we enjoy relationships, that we enjoy ties of kinship. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ said:
(Sahih Bukhari 2067)
"He who wants that Allah opens up for him the doors of provisions, increasing his wealth - if you want Allah to increase your wealth and wants his reputation to be remembered in the best way - then let him enjoin relations."
The Consequences of Severing Ties
And so in Islam it's very important to strengthen that family, strengthen those family ties, because when the family ties are broken off and the family is broken, then society goes with it also. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also mentioned one of the quickest sins one of the sins that you will see the effects of the quickest. He said:
(Abu Dawud 4902)
"There is no sin that a person will most likely see the result of in punishment in this life, along with what will be waiting for him in the hereafter, quicker than transgression and oppression - oppressing others and transgression - and also cutting of ties."
True Meaning of Maintaining Relations
So what does enjoining relations mean? Does it mean you are nice to them? No. The Prophet ﷺ said:
(Sahih Bukhari 5991)
"Enjoining relations does not just mean you return a favor."
Meaning, if someone does good to you then you do good to them - that's not just enjoining, that's incumbent upon all of us, that's mandatory upon every Muslim. When someone is nice to you, you are nice to them; when someone is good to you, you are good to them. That's something that is the default, that's normal. But that which is rewarding is enjoining relations:
(Sahih Bukhari 5991)
"The one who enjoins relations is when there is a severing of ties, he tries to do his best to enjoin them."
The Bridge Over Jahannam
I mean, you're always working to enjoin relations between the people around you. And so how do we do that? What are some of the things that we need to do? Well, as I mentioned, it's mandatory and it's something to help us enter Jannah, because when you cross the Sirat - that bridge over Jahannam - just like a person who is crossing on a tight rope, they need something to balance them. You also need something to balance you so you don't fall to the left or to the right.
You know what those two things are? The Prophet ﷺ said when a believer is on the Sirat, there are two things that will come to his right and to his left to give him balance, and what are those two things? Amana and Rahim - Amana being trustworthy, trustworthiness, and Rahim - your enjoining of ties and enjoining of kinship. And so if you want to enter Jannah, you will not be able to enter Jannah if you sever ties of kinship and if you don't enjoin relations.
Communication and Compassion
And so it's very important to know the importance of this. So how do we do it? Well, let's start with the people who are closest to us and how we communicate with them, because communication with people around us and communication with our children and our parents and our relatives is very important. Because a word here and a word there can cause a severing of ties. And so we have to learn and we have to show love and compassion.
The Prophet's Compassion in Prayer
First and foremost, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was the most compassionate, the most kind, and he was always concerned about the well-being of the people around him - the well-being of the believers: men, women, and children alike.
One day he was in prayer, and it was Fajr prayer. And you know, normally during Fajr prayer, the Prophet ﷺ would recite something between 60 and 100 verses in the rakah - he would recite between 60 and 100 verses. But this morning, on this particular morning, the Prophet ﷺ recites Al-Fatiha, and then he hears the crying of a baby. He hears the crying of a baby, and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ recites the shortest chapter in the Quran.
He says "Allahu Akbar" when he finishes, he turns around and he says: "When I stood up to pray, I intended to prolong the prayer, but when I heard the crying of the baby, I was compassionate towards her. I felt for her, and so I shortened the prayer because of the baby, because of my compassion for the mother also." Like imagine how the mother must have been feeling - the baby is crying and she is praying. But this is the compassion of the Prophet ﷺ, and that's what we have to have towards the people around us.
Welcoming Children in the Masjid
And then, of course, if this were to have happened in some of our masjids, what do you think would happen? Maybe some imams might turn around: "Sisters, why are you bringing your children, your babies to the masjid at Fajr time?" Right? They might question that. But that's not what the Prophet ﷺ was saying - he felt compassionate. The masjid was very welcoming for all: men, women, and children also.
The Story of Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain
And on another occasion, he was praying. He went down in sujood, and two toddlers, two young kids, came in - they came into the masjid, and these were his grandsons: Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain. They start to climb on his back, and he is in prayer, and he is in sujood. And of course, the people behind have no idea what's happening, and he is in sujood for so long. Some of the companions who were praying behind him, they said: "We thought the worst had happened. What could have happened? He is in sujood for so long," until some of them raised their heads and then they saw Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain on the Prophet ﷺ's back playing.
And after he finished praying, do you know what he said? Did he go back to Fatima? "Fatima, what are you doing? Why are you not taking care of your children?" He says to the congregation, he told them the reason why he prolonged his sujood. He said: "I prolonged my sujood because I didn't want to bother them in their play."
Allahu Akbar! He is leading the people in prayer, and he continues to be in sujood for so long. So he prolonged this prayer because of two babies, and he shortened the other prayer because of another baby. That was the compassion of the Prophet ﷺ, the love that he had for the people.
Dealing with Children: Hope and Fear
And so when we are dealing with our children, you have to deal with compassion and love. But at the same time also, you have to remind them with hopes and fear - meaning give them hopes. Don't always be negative. Allah tells us when Luqman Al-Hakim said to his son:
Positive Communication
And that's why in Islam, you know, there are some people who when they speak to their children, they always are negative: "If you don't get up to pray, you are going to be in Jahannam, you are going to be in the hellfire," and they are very negative. Why don't you say to them instead: "Son, get up and pray so we can enter Jannah together. Son, get up and pray so we can enter Paradise together." Be positive also. Don't just be negative all the time. Give them something to hope for, but at the same time, sometimes you also have to warn them of the consequences also of their deeds and speak to them and connect them with Allah.
Teaching Before Disciplining
And also, before you can do that, of course you have to earn their trust, and that's something that's very, very important to strengthen the bonds between you and your children and between you and the teenagers and your family and between you and your friends and family members far and near. And so when you speak to them also, when you speak to others also, make sure that if they don't know, make sure you teach them. Make sure you teach them before you discipline them, because sometimes people make mistakes but they don't know, or they need reminders, or they don't know that they made mistakes. And so you speak to those people differently.
The Story of the Bedouin in the Masjid
I'm going to give you an example. During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, a Bedouin came into the masjid, and he went to a corner - he went to a corner of the masjid, went to a corner of the mosque - and he urinated there. And he started urinating there, and the people in the masjid were in uproar. Everyone was screaming and yelling, and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "Stop! Let him finish."
Allahu Akbar! He's urinating in the corner of the masjid - in the masjid - and the Prophet ﷺ is telling the companions: "Let him finish." So he finishes urinating, and the Prophet ﷺ has calmed the people down already, and he calls him over and he says: "These masjids, these mosques, are the houses of God. These are the houses of Allah. These are not appropriate places for you to do anything except for..." so he's teaching him - "except for prayers, the remembrance of Allah, and the recitation of the Quran. This is what it's for."
The Power of Gentle Teaching
And so that companion, that Bedouin, because of the way that the Prophet ﷺ spoke to him - the kind and gentle way that he treated him - he felt so comfortable with the Prophet ﷺ in comparison to how everyone else was treating him or yelling at him, that he said: "Oh Allah, have mercy upon me and Muhammad and nobody else," because everyone else was mean to him.
And so the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "Why have you constricted something that is so vast? The mercy of Allah is vast. Why have you constricted it? Don't constrict it to just us. Everyone else also - make supplication that Allah is merciful towards everyone else also."
Understanding Before Judging
But from this hadith, what do we learn? One of the lessons we learn is that if someone does not know that what they are doing is wrong, don't scold them, don't yell at them, but teach them instead. And so you might say: "Hey, this Bedouin here urinated in the masjid. Did he not know that that was wrong?" Let me tell you: he did not know that that was wrong. You might say: "Well, that's common sense. Who wouldn't know that?" Well, a Bedouin doesn't know that.
If you were to reflect upon his lifestyle, then you would know that he did not know that that was wrong, because a Bedouin moves from one pasture to the next, or one place to the next, one valley to the next, looking for pasture for his flock. And so whenever he feels the urge to urinate, what does he do? He goes to the side, no matter where he is. No matter where he is, he just finds a place, and whenever he feels the urge to urinate, that's where he urinates. The whole desert to him is a bathroom.
And so he's coming to the city, which he doesn't come to often, and he feels the urge to urinate. So his first instinct is what? Instinctively, he just goes to the side and he urinates. He did not know that that was wrong, and the Prophet ﷺ knew this. And so that's why he did not scold him.
Respect for Elders, Mercy for the Young
And so sometimes when you're speaking to your children, when you're speaking to others, make sure that they know that they're wrong, or if they don't know, make sure you know that they know. If they do not know, then teach them. Don't just scold them from the very beginning, no.
And so in Islam, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ also taught us to be respectful towards the elders and merciful towards the youngsters. He said:
(Sunan Abu Dawud 4943)
"He is not amongst us he who does not respect our elders and is not merciful towards our youngsters."
Wisdom of Experience
And so you also have to be respectful towards your elders also. You have to realize that those who are older than us, they have gone through life and they've had a lot of experience. And you know how many times - how many times have we as adults - how many times have we, when we were younger, we used to think that our parents did not understand? We used to think that our parents did not know. We used to think that our parents did not know anything. Sometimes teenagers, that's what they think.
And then when we grow up, what do we say? When we grow up, we start quoting our parents. Isn't that ironic? When we grow up we say: "You know, my father used to say this, and my mother used to say that." And so then we start quoting our parents. And so youngsters have to learn and be respectful, and also the elders have to be merciful towards the youngsters and to speak to them in the best way possible and be kind to them.
The Prophet's Care for Children
And so the Messenger of Allah was compassionate and kind to all. On one occasion, he heard of a death a death of what? A death of a bird. A pet bird. A pet bird that belonged to the brother of Anas ibn Malik. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ, when he heard about it, he visited him. He saw him, he saw that young boy, and he was consoling him. He said: "O Abu Umair, O Abu Umair, what did Nughayr do?" He said: "O Abu Umair," and he gave him a kunya, spoke to him in the best way possible. He used the sweetest words that one can use, gave him a kunya. He said: "O Abu Umair, what did Nughayr do? What happened to your bird, Nughayr?"
Allahu Akbar! The Prophet ﷺ visited a boy because his pet bird died. We're not talking about his father, his mother, his aunts, his uncles, his brothers - this is a pet bird. But that's who the Prophet ﷺ was:
"And because of the mercy of God, you were merciful towards them. If you were harsh and cold-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you."
Examples from the Prophets: Prophet Yusuf
And so Allah also tells us the stories of the Prophets and Messengers of before, of how their relationship with their children and the youngsters was. Yusuf عليه السلام saw a dream - he saw a strange dream. And who does he go to? This young boy sees a very strange dream. He comes to his father as Allah says:
"And when Yusuf said to his father: 'Oh my dear father, I have seen eleven stars and the sun and the moon; I saw them prostrating to me.'"
Look at how he approaches his father. What does this show? This shows that this son had respect and he had manners. And that's why it's very important for us to teach our children manners, because if they have manners, then you can teach them anything you want. But if they don't have manners, you will not be able to teach them.
Building Trust and Respect
So one of the first things you teach them is you have to teach them and instill in them the belief in Allah and the Taqwa of Allah, and then of course you instill in them manners and respect for parents and elders and the people around you. And so he says: "Oh my dear father."
First, why did Prophet Yusuf come to his father? Why? Because there was a bond, because he trusted his father. So you have to strengthen this bond between you and your children, because if you don't have this bond between you and your children and they have problems, then they will go to other people and they won't come to you. And those people, the other people, might not give him or her the best advice. And that's why you have to strengthen the bond and earn the trust of your children so that when they have problems, they come to you.
And so that's what Prophet Yaqub did - he had very strong bond with his son Yusuf. And that's why when he saw this dream, the first person he came to was his father Yaqub. And so you have to spend time with the people in your family.
Quality Time Over Quantity
But you might say: "Well, we don't have time." As I mentioned in the beginning, everyone is busy. Well, you know what? You should never make that as an excuse, because when you say you don't have time, it's like saying it's not important enough for you to make time for. It's not that you don't have time. Your relationship with your children and your family and your aunts and uncles and the people around you is very important - it's your path to Jannah, inshallah, to enjoin relations and to strengthen those bonds.
And we might say we don't have time. And if you don't have time - and some of us are very busy, yes, I understand - but if you don't have a lot of time, the time that you do have, make sure it is quality time. If you don't have the quantity, then make it up with quality.
And quality time is not you spending your time with your phone or computer and your children are with their iPads and tablets. That's not quality time. Like nowadays, even at the dinner table, everyone has their own device and everyone's in their own world. One is checking their Instagram, and before they even say "Bismillah," they say "Instagram" - like they're taking a picture of that already. They're in
Family Contribution to the Ummah
And also, in order for us to strengthen the ties in a relationship amongst ourselves, we as Muslims have to help each other by making the whole family contribute to the Ummah for the advancement of Islam and the Muslims. And so whenever you do something - when you come to the masjid, when you volunteer, when you're doing something - try to make it a family event also. Help the community, be the best in your neighborhood, and do so as a family.
We have to strengthen the ties of kinship. We have to strengthen those ties in order to survive these hard times, and we have to learn to respect each other, and we have to instill the love of Allah in our children. We have to instill Taqwa of Allah in our children.
Practical Teaching Moments
And what I mean: if you don't have time, as I mentioned, you don't have to have a specific time where all of you get together and you're teaching a book or reading a book to someone. Just your regular conversation - while you are cleaning the house or while you're in the car - turn around and ask him or her about certain aspects of the deen or mention something that is beneficial. And that's what the Prophet ﷺ used to do.
One day he turned around - and Abdullah ibn Abbas was behind him, and this was when they were riding on a donkey, and Abdullah ibn Abbas was behind the Prophet ﷺ - and he said to him: "Ya Ghulam" - Oh young boy - He said: "Let me teach you a few words: Take care of your obligations to Allah, and Allah will take care of you."
So he's connecting him with Allah. So sometimes when you're driving, instead of having the kids fight each other, why don't you remind them? And also it helps you, because you're going to have to look up these facts or you're going to have to look up these things and share it so you can share it with your children. So take responsibility, because Allah will ask us about the ties of kinship, and Allah will hold us accountable for it on the Day of Judgment.
Final Reminder and Call to Action
We will not enter Jannah if we don't enjoin relations:
(Sahih Bukhari 5984)
It's very important to enjoin these bonds and to spend quality time with our families. And so make sure, before you leave this place, start planning something with your family, with your children, with your aunts and uncles. Do something that will strengthen these bonds and ties of kinship, because if
Closing Prayer
"May Allah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions, and may Allah reward you with good."