Abdul Rahman Chao - The Virtue Of Apologizing

As the Prophet ﷺ was preparing his troops, and lining them up right before the battle of Badr, the Prophet ﷺ was inspecting the soldiers, these companions of his, radiAllahu anhum. And he had a stick with him, to ensure that everyone was lined up properly, in a straight line.

And as he went down the line, there was a companion by the name of Sawad bin Ghaziya. A young companion. And the Prophet ﷺ noticed, that he was standing a little bit ahead, of the rest of the companions.

So the Prophet ﷺ took his stick, and he gently pushed him, you could say poked him, on the stomach. In other words, to give him a signal, to stand in line correctly. So Sawad bin Ghaziya, he let out a cry, and he said, Messenger of Allah, لقد أوجعتني, you have hurt me.

And I want retaliation. You poked me, well, I want to do the same to you. The Prophet ﷺ lifted up his shirt, and he said, استقد, take back.

If it hurt you, then you can also poke me, to be fair. Sawad bin Ghaziya immediately knelt down, and he embraced the Prophet ﷺ in his midsection, and he kissed the Prophet ﷺ stomach. The Prophet ﷺ said, Oh Sawad, why are you doing this? He said, Messenger of Allah, we are about to go into battle.

In other words, death is right here. And I wanted to be the last person, to be able to touch the Prophet ﷺ, before I die. Brothers and sisters, this story is a great example, not just of the leadership of the Prophet ﷺ, and the emotional intelligence of the Prophet ﷺ, and the emotional perfection and completion of who the Prophet ﷺ is.

But it shows you, how the Prophet ﷺ was a confident, emotionally balanced, and more importantly, very easy to get along, and okay with apologizing. The Prophet ﷺ didn't say, that didn't actually hurt. Get over it.

Stop being a baby about it. I'll poke you one more time and tell you, show you if it really hurts or not. No.

Or the Prophet ﷺ didn't say, I am the Messenger of Allah. Like, you don't need to exaggerate. No.

And neither do I want you to think, that when the Prophet ﷺ lifted his shirt up, that he was somehow daring him. No, he wasn't daring him. He wasn't saying like, oh yeah, I dare you to poke me.

No, he was genuine. He was sincere. There was no emotional manipulation going on.

The Virtue of Humility and Apologizing

And so brothers and sisters, being able to say that you are wrong, being able to apologize, having the courage, and the maturity, and the ability to apologize, if and when you might have offended someone, or have hurt someone, that takes mental fortitude. And no one is perfect. In fact the scholars have said, that one of the characteristics of the Prophet ﷺ, was that he was very human.

That yes, when it comes to the revelation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, when it comes to, when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala commands him to do something, to say something, إن هو إلا وحي يوحى, it is indeed revelation from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But the Prophet ﷺ, that didn't make the Prophet ﷺ non-human, or it did not make the Prophet ﷺ divine. In fact, this idea of being able to apologize, you find it even in Surah Kahf, that we are recommended to read every Friday.

When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, commanded Musa ﷺ to be in the presence, and to accompany Khidr. And so, he took him on this journey. And the details of that you can read in Surah Kahf.

But he was going to teach him, a few interactions and things that he would do, and that would confuse Musa. So he said to Musa:

You're not going to have the patience to be with me. You're going to wonder, why is Khidr doing this? So he went on this journey, and the first time when he spoke out, when Musa ﷺ spoke out, he realized, because the agreement was, don't ask me any questions, until I tell you the reason why I've done it.

So when he spoke up, and he realized that he shouldn't have, Musa ﷺ apologized, and he admitted it, and he said:

Like, forgive me, لَا تُؤَاخِذْنِي Do not hold me accountable for what I have forgotten, I forgot. وَلَا تُرْهِقْنِي مِنْ أَمْرِي عُسْرًا And do not make this situation more difficult.

Why Is It Difficult to Apologize?

So brothers and sisters, what are some of the reasons why it is so difficult to apologize? It is difficult to apologize, and the number one reason is because of arrogance.

And I like to call it, insecurity. When you are not secure with yourself, and emotionally mature, it is difficult to apologize. And in fact, I want to challenge everyone here to think about what it means for a parent to apologize even for something small that they have done to their child.

Even if it's they bumped into them, or maybe they had a bad day, and they instead took it out and screamed at their family. And they know deep down in their heart that they shouldn't have done that. But shaitan justifies it to the parent and says, well, if you apologize to your son, that means your son is not going to respect you anymore.

They will not do بِرَّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ anymore. And I'm here to tell you brothers and sisters, that if you want people to respect you, you have to have the courage and humility to apologize. Even if it's to your wife, to your children, these are the people that you should apologize first to.

But if you're like, I'll give you something to cry about, stop being a baby, and you don't acknowledge their feelings and their emotions, they're going to grow up thinking that they don't need to apologize as well. They end up growing this callous around their heart.

Examples from the Life of the Prophet ﷺ

During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, the Prophet ﷺ migrated from Mecca to Medina.

Mecca, as you know, is a city known for trading and business and commerce. And Medina was a city known for agriculture and farming and taking care of date palm trees, etc. And so when the Prophet ﷺ moved to Medina, he one time witnessed some of the companions climbing the date palm trees, and they were manually pollinating the date palms.

And so the Prophet ﷺ simply remarked from his own opinion, it wasn't revelation from Allah, it was his own personal opinion, and he said, I think if they didn't do it, it's not necessary. In other words, the Prophet ﷺ is just thinking, well, pollination is a natural process, is it really necessary to manually pollinate the date palms? So out of respect for the Prophet ﷺ, the companions in Medina, they did not pollinate that season. And that season, the harvest for dates was poor.

When this news reached the Prophet ﷺ, the Prophet ﷺ, he said, you know of the affairs of the dunya better than me. And in another narration, it was only my thought, for when it is a matter pertaining to Allah, I never lie about it, but rather go and pollinate. And in another narration, I am not a person of farming and agriculture, so go ahead and pollinate.

This shows you how the Prophet ﷺ is able to admit that the opinion of other people might be correct in this worldly affair. Even in one of the battles, one of the companions of the Prophet ﷺ came to him to ask him, messenger of Allah, when you placed your troops in this position on the battlefield, he said, ya Rasulullah, is this a place that Allah has ordered you to station your troops? أمنزل أنزلك الله The Prophet ﷺ says, لا بل هو الحرب والمكيدة It is his own strategy and thought. And so the companion started giving his suggestion.

The Prophet ﷺ was not at all offended. He didn't say, I am the Prophet, and how dare you challenge my authority. The Prophet ﷺ listened, because this was not an issue of revelation.

The Example of Umar ibn Al-Khattab

Brothers and sisters, Umar ibn Al-Khattab used to go and inspect the city at night, and make sure everyone was doing well. And when one of those incidents, he was with one of the companions, if I'm not mistaken, Abdullah ibn Mas'ud. And he saw that there was this house, and there was this light coming, and as you know back then, there was no electricity obviously, so he went to go investigate what is this light coming from inside the house.

So he went into this house without knocking, Umar ibn Al-Khattab, and he saw this old man, who was drinking alcohol, and he also had this woman dancing in front of him. He had his club inside his own house. So Umar ibn Al-Khattab became so enraged, and he says, I have never seen on any night worse than an old man, who is on his way to die.

In other words, he has one foot in the grave, and he behaves this way. The old man, he was so stunned by Umar barging into his house, he said, O Amirul Mu'mineen, it is true, but you came into my house without permission, and you are coming and spying on me. See, Umar ibn Al-Khattab, he immediately reflected on himself.

He didn't say, well, it doesn't change the fact that you're still wrong. He immediately got up, and he left. And as he left, he started weeping.

And in narration, he was biting on his thawb, and he said, May the mother of Umar lose him, if he is to come on the day of judgment, and being asked by Allah for this. So sometime later, this old man, who used to come to the majlis of Umar ibn Al-Khattab, in the masjid, and listen to him, he disappeared, because he felt embarrassed and awkward. And sometime later, Umar noticed that he was actually sitting in the back.

And so Umar said, Come close. And so that old man, he thought that Umar is going to punish him in front of everyone. So Umar sent everyone away, and now it was just him and Umar sitting there.

And so Umar said, Come close, come close. So he came close and came close, and he whispered to his ear. He said, I have never told anyone about the identity, I didn't disclose who you are to anyone, and I'm never going to do it again.

And the man said, And I testify that Muhammad ﷺ is his messenger, that I too have not returned to that sin anymore.

The Consequences of Pride

It takes courage, brothers and sisters. It takes confidence.

It takes humility to be able to say, I was wrong. Because remember, brothers and sisters, you don't want to be the person who refuses to apologize, who's always about, but they, I'm sorry if you felt that way, because that's a non-apology. Or, I'm sorry, but you made me do this.

You don't want to be the person that comes on the day of judgment, and pays with their good deeds. Because the Prophet ﷺ says, Who is the bankrupt person? And the companion said, Messenger of Allah, it is the person who has no money. So the Prophet ﷺ said, No, but rather it is the one who comes on the day of judgment.

But he has insulted this person, or he has oppressed that person. And so those people will come on the day of judgment to get their right. So they will come, and start taking your hasanat, your good deeds.

And so when the good deeds have run out, فَإِن فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ When the good deeds have run out, the only fair thing that Allah will decide is, that those people who were his victims, will give their sins to this person. Until that person goes to hell for it.

So think about it brothers and sisters.

Is it worth it? Is your pride worth that scenario on the day of judgment? We ask Allah to guide us. We ask Allah to forgive us.

O Allah, help our weak brothers everywhere.

O Allah, help our weak brothers in Gaza. O Allah, help our weak brothers in Palestine. O Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad, as You blessed Ibrahim and the family of Ibrahim.

Indeed, You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious. And bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad, as You blessed Ibrahim and the family of Ibrahim. Indeed, You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious.