Abdul Rahman Chao - 12-17-21

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

All praise is due to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We thank him. We seek his forgiveness and we seek his guidance. Whomsoever Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guides, none shall be led astray. And whomever Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allows to be led astray, none shall guide them back to the straight path.

The Gentle Teaching of the Prophet

A companion of the Prophet ﷺ, who had just become Muslim as of recent, was in congregational prayer with the other companions. And of course the Prophet ﷺ was leading them in prayer. And during prayer, someone sneezed. And because this companion, Mu'awiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami, because he was not familiar with the rules of salah and the etiquettes of salah, he responded to the person who had sneezed in prayer and he said, يَرْحَمُكَ اللَّهُ - Allah have mercy on you.

He said, when I did that, some of the companions gave him a look. And later on some of them started striking their thighs to let me know that I shouldn't speak. After the prayer was over, the Prophet ﷺ, I want you to look at the way of how the Prophet ﷺ instructed. He simply said, this is the way how we pray. There is no talking in it. And prayer consists of tasbih, glorification of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

This companion of the Prophet ﷺ, how did he describe this learning process? He said, فَبِأَبِي وَأُمِّي - In other words, he was saying, may my mother and father be ransomed for the Prophet ﷺ. مَا رَأَيْتُ مُعَلِّمًا قَبْلَهُ - I have never seen a teacher before like the Prophet ﷺ. And he said, فَوَاللَّهِ - By Allah, the Messenger of Allah, مَا كَهَرَنِي وَلَا ضَرَبَنِي وَلَا شَتَمَنِي - The Prophet ﷺ, at that moment, he didn't reprimand me, nor did he hit me, and nor did he insult me.

Reflecting on Our Methods of Correction

Brothers and sisters, when it comes to the way how we correct other people, especially when it comes to the way how we discipline our children, and when we see something that is done wrong, how is it that the Prophet ﷺ saw something so blatantly done here in the prayer by saying, that man saying, يَرْحَمُكَ اللَّهُ - May Allah have mercy on you for the person who sneezed. And yet the Prophet ﷺ, with complete calmness and equanimity, was able to correct this mistake without any shaming, blaming, and faulting, and nitpicking.

None of that. And I invite you to think about the ways of how we have been brought up. Because a lot of times, unless you have made a conscience effort to change the way how you parent, or the way how you correct others, whether it is those around you, or your children, or other people, a lot of times we end up defaulting to the way how we were disciplined when we were growing up. So if we were shamed, and if we were abused, it is likely that some people might end up making that mistake.

You look at the Prophet ﷺ, Anas bin Malik, he described that the Prophet ﷺ in what words? He says, the Prophet ﷺ was never someone who was cursing, and nor was he vulgar, and nor was he the one that was cursing other people, invoking the curse of Allah upon other people. وَلَكِن كَانَ يَقُولُ لِأَحَدِنَا عِنْدَ الْمَعْتَبَةِ مَا لَهُ تَرِبَ جَبِينُهُ - But if someone was wrong, if the Prophet ﷺ was trying to discipline another person, he would say at most, what is with him, تَرِبَ جَبِينُهُ. And this phrase تَرِبَ جَبِينُهُ in Arabic literally means, may there be dust on his forehead.

But it is to be taken in a metaphorical way, it just basically means, what's wrong with this person, he's basically made a blunder, and that metaphor was to say, he has dust on his forehead. I want you to think about the way how the Prophet ﷺ is disciplining, and the way how he was correcting, and think about how we correct. Do we call our children animals? Did the Prophet ﷺ ever call the children of his companions by animals when he was angry with them?

Allah says: For you indeed are of the best of character.

Second Khutbah

The Challenge of Gentle Discipline

It is difficult, speaking for myself as a teacher, as a parent, it is difficult sometimes. You will be faced with trying times, where students or your children or whatnot, your grandchildren, they might do something wrong, and the first thing you might do is to lash out, and to say something that you might regret later. It is part of the human nature.

Aisha رضي الله تعالى عنها, one time she was sitting with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, and some people had passed in front of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, and they said, in this scenario they happened to be a few people of the children of Israel, that were living in Medina, and they said to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, from their own dislike or anger of that day, they said, السَّامُ عَلَيْكَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ - death be to you, Messenger of Allah.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, despite being told, death be unto you, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, what did he say? وَعَلَيْكُمْ - unto you. When Aisha رضي الله تعالى عنها, heard this, she became so enraged, she became so angry, and she says, no, and death be to you, and may the curse of Allah, and she kept going and going and going.

And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم corrected this, and he said, مَهْلًا يَا عَائِشَةُ عَلَيْكِ بِالرِّفْقِ وَإِيَّاكِ وَالْعُنْفَ وَالْفُحْشَ - Slow down Aisha, slow down. Be kind, be gentle, and beware of violence, and any sort of foul words.

Teaching Through Example

A young man, that was under the care of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, name was Umar ibn Abi Salamah. He was with the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, and they were eating at a table, I wouldn't say table, but a plate in front of them filled with food. And this young man, he says, وَكَانَتْ يَدِي تَطِيشُ - my hand was going around in the plate, grabbing from here, grabbing from there, تَطِيشُ فِي الصَّحْفَةِ.

It was going, grabbing food from here, going over there, grabbing food, and it was making a mess. In some of the cultures that we would be taught, we might just end up saying, عيب, shame, disrespectful, rude, how dare you, your hands are dirty, etc. Look at the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, what did he say? He said, يَا غُلَامُ، سَمِّ اللَّهَ، وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيكَ.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, he says, oh young child, young boy, say بسم الله before you eat. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is not just correcting his behavior, but he's also teaching him the adab, the manners of how to eat. Say بسم الله before you eat. In other words, slow down. Say بسم الله before you eat. وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ - and eat with your right hand. وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيكَ - and eat what is in front of you.

And this young man, he said, فَمَا زَالَتْ تِلْكَ طِعْمَتِي بَعْدُ - He says, and that until now, since that day, that is the way how I eat. Why was this young man able to implement the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم's advice and discipline? Because the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was not yelling, nor was he screaming, nor was he hitting. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was direct and firm.

Sometimes Indirect Correction is Best

Speaking about direct, it is from the way of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم that he would sometimes be indirect. Because not everything that is wrong requires you to say it to its face and make it apparent to everyone. Sometimes you can teach something, teach a moment, and بِالْإِشَارَةِ لَا بِالتَّصْرِيحِ - It can be by intimating it, by making a note of it, without directly saying it.

And we have the famous story of Barira, who is this slave woman. She came to Aisha رضي الله عنها and she asked her, I need help, basically she was an indentured slave, and basically her owners had said that, if you want to be free, you have to pay this amount. But they put a false condition, and they said, you want to call it a kinship alliance, is still with us even after you are manumitted and emancipated.

So Aisha رضي الله عنها said, I'm ready to pay. But there is this false condition that says, that your allegiance is still, your ولاء is still to those individuals. And so they refused. And so when the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم heard about this illegal condition in this agreement that they were proposing, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, he got up. And he says, مَا بَالُ رِجَالٍ يَشْتَرِطُونَ شُرُوطًا لَيْسَتْ فِي كِتَابِ اللَّهِ - What is it with some people who are putting conditions that Allah has not put conditions in the book of Allah. Whatever condition is not in the book of Allah, then it is باطل, even if there are a hundred conditions.

We ask Allah سبحانه وتعالى to improve us, we ask Allah سبحانه وتعالى to make us among those who demonstrate good and kind behavior in our disciplining of our children and in those that we care for through the guidance of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم.