Khutbah: The Muslim Family
By Abdul Nasir Jangda | 2026-01-19T07:51:56.801901+00:00 | Topic: Family & Marriage
Khutbah: The Muslim Family - The Basic Building Block
Opening: Adhan and Testimony
Introduction: The Human Need for Family
We understand and we realize something Allah created this human being with many talents and many abilities. But Allah also created this human being with many fundamental basic needs that cannot be overcome, that are not overcome. One of those basic fundamental needs that Allah created the human being with is the need for family. It's the need for companionship. It's the need for society. For social human interaction and relationships. Allah created the human being with this need. And a human being is not able to rise above this need. It's impossible.
When a human being separates that part of him or herself, when a human being cuts off that aspect of life, it more often than not results in some type of a tragic break in the psyche or the emotional condition of a person. That's why one of the fundamental identifying factors, one of the symptoms that they look for for people who might be emotionally or psychologically disturbed, is people who isolate themselves from everyone and anyone. People who separate themselves from their families. People who isolate themselves from human interaction. That is an indication of psychological or emotional distress.
So Allah put this need within the human being. And it cannot be overcome.
Evidence from the Prophets: Family Was Essential
And as a simple case, to bring it from the theoretical to the practical, to take as a case study: We as Muslims sitting here in this masjid today, we have no doubt about the fact, we are confirmed in the reality that the prophets and the messengers of God, peace and blessings be upon them, are the highest of all human beings. They are the greatest of all human beings. And they were the most complete examples of how a human being can live his or her life.
And Allah did not demand, did not command, and did not require from even prophets and messengers to separate themselves from human social interaction, from family and personal relationships. In fact if anything, Allah emphasized it:
"And enjoin prayer upon your family and be steadfast therein."
That even in the realm of spirituality, Allah commands the prophet to not just pray by himself, but to tell his family to pray.
The Prophet's Teaching on Marriage
That the prophet of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, he says, he notes in a narration:
(Ibn Majah 1846)
"Marriage is from my sunnah, and whoever turns away from my sunnah is not from me."
He says that marriage is from my sunnah, from my practice. And for any Muslim the word sunnah is a very prestigious term. Sunnah basically is a source of our religion. And the prophet is saying it's a source of this religion Islam. It's a command of God. It's a practice, an emphasized practice of the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him.
So even from the lives of the prophets and the messengers, peace and blessings be upon them, we see that family was something that they were not asked to separate themselves from. Family was a core, a very integral, a very important part of their lives. And was part of the guidance and the instruction that they provided to humanity, to mankind.
Psychological and Philosophical Perspectives
And not only that, but we also realize even from a psychological philosophical perspective: In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, he places the area of love and relationships, that need of love and relationships, is right in the middle of that triangle. That where it starts with just the basic physiological needs such as food and water and oxygen, and it moves up to safety and protection, and then right there you have love and relationships and social experiences of people.
So from an Islamic prophetic perspective, family is a reality of life and a very important part of life that human beings cannot exist without. The Quran makes it evidently clear from a Quranic, from a prophetic, even from a psychological and philosophical perspective. And even we understand from a human disciplinarian perspective, the worst punishment that you can subject any human being to is called solitary confinement. That is a punishment. To take a person out of the company and the interaction of other people, to remove a person from that element and place them and lock them away by themselves, is a form of punishment.
You know, just this morning I saw even with my own children. My daughters were running around and making a little bit of trouble. You know, kind of messing with some stuff. And I kept telling them, "No, don't do that, no, don't do that." As soon as my wife said the magic word "Time out," the problem ended.
The little one got a look on her face of like just the most fear I've ever seen on her face. She was terrified of being by herself, being put in time out, being taken away from this environment.
And so fundamentally as human beings, we need, we require companionship, love and relationships.
The Family in Islamic Teaching
Once we understand that, then we bring it back to the Islamic sphere to talk about our lives as Muslims. We understand that the family experience and the institution of family is one that is very necessary, one that is very important, and one that is greatly emphasized within our religion.
The Tragic Separation of Family from Spirituality
The one, the greatest, most unfortunate tragedies in the ummah today is that we've divorced certain things from spirituality, from Islam. Family happens to be one of those things that we've separated from religion, from spirituality. Where we consider it a separate part of our lives. We don't see it having any direct bearing or impact on our spiritual condition. We don't see it having any type of an impact on my relationship with Allah. My relationship with my family, very important, but doesn't affect my relationship with Allah. I can be a good Muslim and a good father at the same time. That's the unfortunate reality that is prevalent amongst the community today, when in reality it's the complete opposite of that.
The Quranic Definition of Righteousness
The Prophet of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) in the Quran, in Surah Al-Baqarah, Surah number 2, Ayah number 177, Allah defines piety. Piety, the word bir is used. And Quranic scholars tell us, scholars of the language of the book of Allah tell us, that the highest word—Allah uses many words for piety in the Quran such as salah, salih, Allah uses the word taqwa—there are many, many different words that are used to emphasize different aspects or levels of closeness to Allah. The scholars of the Quran tell us that the highest stage, the highest level is the word al-bir. The word al-bir. That is the peak, that is the epitome of piety.
And Allah defines piety in Surah number 2, Ayah number 177, He says:
"Piety is not to turn your face towards the east or the west. But piety is to believe in the articles of faith: Allah, the last day, the prophets, the messengers, the angels, the books, the scriptures. To believe in these things, then to be good to your family based on the love that you have for Allah. Let your love for Allah drive you and motivate you to be good to your family."
Universal Teaching of All Prophets
Allah talks about a covenant. There are some things that are specific to the Ummah of Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم). There are some teachings that are universal throughout all the teachings of all the prophets. All the prophets taught this. One of those things that all the prophets taught, we know Tawheed was taught by all the prophets. But one of the other things that was taught by and emphasized by all the prophets of Allah:
"And when We took a covenant from the children of Israel: You worship no one other than Allah, you be good to your parents and you be good to the people of close relation to you. Maintain your personal relationships."
"Live your life aware and conscious of Allah whom they ask about, they talk about, and also be very conscious of your personal relationships. As you walk through life, as you go through life, be mindful of your personal relationships and how important they are."
So family is a very important aspect of our deen that is emphasized through the book of Allah time and time again.
The Quran's Emphasis on Family Stories
You know something very interesting about the Quran: The Quran doesn't waste time. The Quran doesn't waste time. We don't have time here in this khutbah—that's a separate khutbah and a separate topic altogether-but if you, as some homework, for something for you to go home and do on your own, read the stories of the Quran, and you'll see something very interesting in the Quran.
When you read the stories of the Quran, you'll see that it doesn't tell a story the way a novel tells a story. Sometimes the Quran will be telling you a story and then it will skip and jump to the next scene. It's telling you about Musa (عليه السلام) traveling with his family and seeing the fire and going there to look what he finds at the fire, and then Allah bestowing prophethood upon Musa (عليه السلام) in addressing Musa and giving him his mission: "Go and preach to Firaun." The next thing that you read in the Quran is Musa (عليه السلام) standing in the court of Firaun preaching to him. What happened after that? Did he go back to his family? Where did he leave his family? How did he continue his journey? It doesn't talk about that.
And the scholars they explain to us the reason for that is: The Quran talks about what is necessary, what is relevant and what is important here. What is the lesson? The Quran isn't a storybook. The Quran is a book of guidance. So it talks about things that are relevant and pertinent as lessons to the readers and the listeners of the book of Allah.
So the Quran never mentions any part of a story that is unnecessary. It doesn't. But when you read, when you look within the Quran, even in the stories of the Quran, you know one thing it does emphasize, one thing it does talk about time and time again: It talks about family and personal conversations.
Examples of Family Conversations in the Quran
It talks about Ibrahim (عليه السلام) talking to his father about his faith. It talks about Yusuf (عليه السلام) going and telling his father Yaqub: "He's seeing a dream." It talks about Luqman. One of the most powerful passages in the entire Quran is when Luqman as a father sits down and just has a conversation with his son. It talks about Ibrahim not just going to sacrifice his son but asking his son, "What do you think about me sacrificing you?" They're talking to each other. Family relationships are emphasized time and time again.
So it's very important from a prophetic perspective.
The Prophet's Example with Family
The Prophet of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) made time for family. He emphasized family. This Jumaa Khutbah, this is not an avenue, this is not a setting where we would discuss Fiqh, but one of the regulations of the Khutbah is that it has very strict regulations. We're not allowed to talk about here and there and do a lot of unnecessary activity. The listeners of the Khutbah are told to be quiet and sit and listen attentively. No unnecessary frivolous activity is allowed during the Khutbah because it's so important.
But in spite of that, the Prophet of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) is addressing the ummah from the mimbar, and his grandson, his grandson, his child, his child's child, approaches him as a baby, as a child. The Prophet of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) actually pauses during the Khutbah, gets down, lifts up his child-if the brothers can inshallah move up and make some more room in the back, more people are coming in -the Prophet of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) actually steps down, stops and pauses the Khutbah, steps down, lifts up, picks up the child, hugs him, kisses him, lets everybody know that this is my grandson. This son of mine, this boy of mine, he's a leader. And then puts the child back down, shows affection to the child, puts the child back down and continues the Khutbah. During the institution of Jum'ah, during the Khutbah of Friday, family is so important.
So this is something that is greatly emphasized within our deen and within our religion. And that's something that is very, very obvious.
Practical Solutions for Family Crisis
First: Education and Learning
Number one, first and foremost: Any solution to any crisis or any issue—we definitely have a crisis of family within the Muslim community and within greater society across the world; there is a crisis of family going on anytime you have a crisis and you have a serious issue and a problem, part of the solution is to first learn and educate yourself on how to solve that problem. We can't go about it haphazardly, we have to learn. We first have to educate ourselves about family, about the role of family, and about some of the practical solutions and some of the practical tips and advices that are provided to us within the book of Allah, within the life of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), within this deen that we call Islam.
Anyone that's involved in dawah work at any level, you know this for a fact: We tell the whole world Islam is the solution. Well if Islam is the solution, Islam's got the solution to this as well. And it's very contradictory if we as Muslims are suffering through the same problem. But that's not a shortcoming in Islam. That's a shortcoming in us. All we gotta do is we gotta pick up Islam, and we gotta pick up the book of Allah, the life of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). Read it and extract the advice, the guidance from there, and implement it into our lives. And it is the solution.
So number one is to learn, to educate, to open our minds and open our hearts to the solutions provided by Allah and His Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
Second: Making Time for Family
The second thing is, and this is one of the practical tips that is provided in the book of Allah, and I'm going to speak about it very briefly, very vaguely here, but I think it warrants mentioning: One of the key things that we need to do—any solution and all solutions for improving family relations will require one thing; it has one prerequisite; it has one key ingredient that you cannot implement that solution without -making time. We have to make time.
And there are many things that get in the way of us making time, whether it's work, whether it's business, whether it's religion. Doesn't matter what it is. Time has to be made.
I'll tell you one thing, and I'm speaking a little more specifically to the brothers here as a reminder to myself: I'm gonna speak in terms of one major predicament of us as men in society many times. The big excuse is, "There's just not enough time. I'm very busy." And a lot of times it feels justified because what am I busy with? I'm busy earning a living for my family. I'm busy taking care of my family. Putting the bread on the table. What more do you want from me?
We still gotta make time though. That doesn't replace it. It doesn't substitute spending time face to face with your own children, with your own spouse, with your own feelings. It doesn't replace that.
And let's keep one thing in mind, and I say this with the utmost respect, and if I offend anyone I sincerely apologize, but I'm admonishing myself when I say this: It doesn't matter how busy I think I am or how busy I actually might be. There is no human being that was ever busier and more important than Muhammad Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم). If I think I have a lot of responsibility, he had the weight of the entire world on his shoulders, literally. Preaching and delivering the message to all of humanity was his personal responsibility given to him by God himself. He was the busiest and most important man that ever lived. And he made time for his family every single day. He made time for his family. If he can make time, so can we. It just requires a shift in priorities.
A Personal Example
You know a lot of times there's people that you learn from, a prophetic character in person, face to face from someone. One person that I picked up a lot of this prophetic character, and that I was able to learn, and I hope that I continue to implement─I don't think I do, but I hope that I continue to implement— was I learned a lot from my father, who was a businessman. Anybody who owns a business knows you're never off. There is no day of the week that you don't work. If you own your own business, you work all the time.
But he had a line, and he drew that line. He owned his own business, and at 5 o'clock every day he locked the door and he was done. Somebody who owns their own business will tell you that's a recipe for disaster. That's somebody that's going to be out of business. But he didn't care about that. 5 o'clock he locked the shop, he turned off the phone, and he came home. No matter what happened. No matter if the biggest client called. He knew that he had that, he never broke.
He was actively involved in the masjid, but he had his line. He would go for salatul isha and do whatever needed to be done at the masjid at salatul isha time. But he was having dinner with us, and he was praying maghrib in jama'a together, teaching me how to call adhan and how to pray together in a jama'a, and then talking and discussing Seerah, Quran with me, with us as a family after salatul maghrib, having our own little halaqa at home.
These are things that we need to be very conscious of: Making time.
Third: A Mature Attitude About Family
And lastly, we need a more mature attitude about the issue of family. We need to understand that spiritually our well-being is tied to our families. Our status in the eyes and the sight of Allah is tied to our families. And that's something we have to be conscious of. Our standing with Allah is dependent partially upon how we interact and deal with our family. And we can't deny that reality.
That's why the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) says that one of the deeds that continues to benefit you long after you've left this world is when your pious righteous children make dua'a for you after you're gone.
The Community and Da'wah Perspective
And finally, and I'll end on this point: We as a minority Muslim community, we want to preach and teach Islam to the rest of humanity all around us. It's called da'wa. We want to deliver this truth to everyone else. But one of the biggest forms of da'wa is the state of our own homes and our own communities.
You see, a community is a building that is made of bricks, and each brick is a family. Our communities are just a network of different families. And the state of our homes and our families will reflect how true and how beneficial our way of life is to the rest of humanity. And we contradict right now between what we say and what we live.
So another reason for us to invest time and energy to make much better da'wa, and we'll be much better representatives of this way of life that we call Islam.
Closing
And we'll continue working as families and communities and bettering our situation first and foremost in sha Allah.
There is a Friday family night program. Tonight I'll be back here again in sha Allah at 7:45, and with me will be Brother Abdurrahman Murphy, who is a youth director, and we'll be talking about "Pure hearts and pure minds: The prophetic remedies for our times." And so we'll talk about the issues that we're dealing with today.
IIOC is hosting a summer intensive Tafsir program to learn about the book of Allah and the message of the book of Allah. It'll be from June the 23rd through July the 18th. So you can register online. Please check that out.
Final Duas
Call to Prayer
May Allah allow us to live by the prophetic standard. May Allah give us all the ability to implement Islam within our lives. May Allah give us all the ability to influence.