Sustaining Our Community: Building A New Tomorrow

Sustaining Our Community: Building A New Tomorrow

Speaker: AbdelRahman Murphy

Opening

Introduction

How's everyone doing? Alhamdulillah, good? You guys enjoying? Alhamdulillah. Who's on winter break right now? No one? What is up with New Jersey? Finals? Oh wow. You know when you graduate college like me, you're on winter break all the time. It's like constant, it's like perpetual break. No, I'm just joking. Alhamdulillah, it's good.

It's good to be here in New Jersey. Honestly, I'm really shocked at this turnout. Alhamdulillah, I'm really, really happy that there are this many people here.

I know that at times, Nihal might seem a little bit eccentric, or very, very into it in developing these programs, but having someone like him in your community is really, really important. And I think that the elders and the young people need to realize this. They probably already have, but if they haven't, to really think about how important it is to have someone who dedicates his time to this stuff.

The Blessing of Gathering

Because even if tonight is a bust, right, let's say I give the most boring speech in the world, right? It's like a Giants-Eagles game, right? It's the most boring event ever, right? And then like, let's say like Hafidh Wassam comes, and like, he just like, he has laryngitis or something, he can't do the whole like, ah, like, you know, reciting. Like, let's just say that happens, right? Just the mere fact that all of us are in this room here together, in the house of Allah, together, on a Friday night, enjoying just kind of like being in the house of Allah, there's barakah in that, right? There's blessing in that, right?

And we learn this from the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم and everyone should say صلّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ that he says that when people come to the house of Allah to gather and remember Allah, there are angels that circle these people, and they circle all the way up to the heavens, right? And there's a conversation that takes place between the angels.

So, Allah جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ has a conversation with these angels, basically, and He says that the end consequence and the end result is these people are here remembering me in the house of Allah, so forgive them their sins, right?

Now, everyone who is here, alhamdulillah, our sins are forgiven, but there's also those people who came here maybe because your parents had a dunda over your head, right? And if you didn't come, then you were gonna get the dunda, right? Or if you're Arab, you get the shib-shib, right? Or the chapal, you get the chapal.

My mom had a shib-shib. It was like a boomerang. Like, it would come back to her. Like, after it hit me in the head, it would just come back to her head. So, you know, and she only had to use it because when I got older, I got faster than her because, you know, they chase you down, and my mom would chase me down when I did something bad, and I got older, I was faster than her, so I would run away, and she would just stop running, take off her sandal, and just like, bam, like quarterback, like 100% passer rating, right? Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow. No, he can't throw. Mark Sanchez. Mark Sanchez. Very good.

So, the people who came here, right, the people who came here because they were forced, let's say their friend said, you know what, there's this really, really tall white guy, he's coming, I swear to God, it's like a miracle, or like another friend said, you know, Wasam Sharif is like a really good reciter, you have to come listen, and maybe you or I were like, I don't really want to go, but whatever, you're telling me to go, I'll go. We might feel like right now, like, man, are my sins forgiven too?

Well, the answer is, the answer to this question is provided in this hadith when the angels ask, you know, Ya Allah, there's a person who came, and he didn't really want to come, he came, but he came because he was just kind of walking by, and even in the gathering, he's just kind of sitting and relaxing, he's not really engaged, and Allah says forgive his sins too, right?

So, there are two kinds of people who are here probably, there are people who want to be here, and people who don't want to be here, but the good news is that no matter who you are, your sins are forgiven, Alhamdulillah, so everyone say Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah. So, that's a really, really excellent way to start, and that's why, even if tonight is a bust, right, which it's not, Alhamdulillah, it's already a win, right? It's already an excellent event.

Community Building Discussion

So, tonight, what's the topic of tonight's talk? What is it? Sustaining, that's what it is? Okay, let me prepare real quick, I'm joking. No, sustaining our community, right?

Now, when I say sustaining our community, what do you guys think of? I want to get some hands raised, sisters, brothers. When I say sustaining our community, or building a community, what do you think of? What are some thoughts that you have?

Yes? Making Islam better. Very good, Mashallah, excellent, excellent. How old are you? Eight, wow, Mashallah, Mashallah, that's excellent.

What else? So, making Islam better, that's number one. When you say building a community, what are you thinking of? What are some thoughts that pop in your mind?

Yes? Okay, so bridging the gap, right? So that we have this gap between our elders, our beloved and our dear, respected elders, and our young and energetic people, our young and energetic brothers and sisters.

What else? Building communities, what else? Yes? Providing the resources or directing people to where they can go. Very good, what else? I'm a teacher, by the way, by profession. I'm a youth director, but I'm also an English teacher. That's what I got my degree in, English and Islamic studies.

So you guys know that moment in the classroom where you make eye contact with the teacher, but you didn't raise your hand, but they call on you because you locked eyes? So if I see you right there, we just, it's over. Now you have to give me an answer, right? When I say building a community, what do you think of? Yeah, yeah, definitely you, yes.

A and J, mashallah, that's good. Okay, excellent, very good. So people who are new to the community, right? Like you have someone who comes in, they're like, hey, as-salamu alaykum. You're like, who are you, right? This is our masjid, leave, right? You're like, can I come pray? They're like, not for you, right? Building between people who come in who are new or people who don't know each other.

You know that the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَhe warned against a time where people come to meet each other and they don't say salam to one another, right? And he would always say the best amongst you in a group of people are the ones who say salam first. Because there are times where, have you guys ever been to the masjid where you walked in and walked out and not one person says salam to you? You've had that before? Yeah, isn't it awkward? And you walk by and you make eye contact, you're like, are they gonna say it? And like you got your hand in your pocket and you're like, I don't know if I should pull it, no? Okay, yeah? And then you pull it out and they walk by you and you're just like, all right.

And she's like, that happened to me. It happens all the time, right? And this is something the Prophet صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ specifically warned against. It might seem like a small issue, but we're gonna talk about in the talk, inshallah, we're gonna talk about why it's a big issue.

Last thing, last thing from the women, inshallah, from our sisters. When I say building community, what do you think of? Do you guys know what the word umm means? Umm, yes. Mom. Mom, right? So if I said umm, I'm saying my mom. Do you guys know what the word ummah means? Very good, community.

Do they sound similar at all? Umm, ummah. Do you know they share the same root word? You know the scholars of Arabic language, they say that if we do not have a righteous ummahat, righteous mothers, we cannot have a righteous ummah, right? So the effect of having powerful, strong, educated women leaders cannot be understated in building community. Very good, jazakallah khair for the participation.

Four Main Points

I have four points tonight. How many points do I have? Three, very good. No, I'm sorry, four. I have four points tonight to make to you guys, inshallah. And I'm just going to start the discussion. And inshallah, I

think Hafidh Wassam is on his way. I hear there's some infamous New York traffic going on right now. So, inshallah, we're just going to get started.

Point 1: Human Resources Before Physical Resources

So, community building, when we talk about community building, the first thing that comes to mind, the first thing that normally comes to mind, I'm very proud of your community by the way, inshallah, because none of you guys said this openly. None of you guys were like, this isn't the first answer. But the first thing that often comes to mind is building construction, like having buildings built, right?

So, when you say, well, we need to build a community, the first thing that people will say is we need a youth center, right? Or we need a gym. Or we need a giant masjid that we only fill up once a week, right? How many of you guys have ever heard this before? When you talk about building community, everyone's talking about building things, right? Now, yeah, very good, inshallah. One, like seven-year-old boy.

Okay, so, very good, inshallah. So, this is a problem that maybe you guys don't have it here, but it is all over. And people always come to me and they say, you know, because I'm one of three youth directors right now in the United States. You're looking at 33% of the youth directors in the United States of America, right? And it's sad, it really is.

So, people come to me and they say, Brother Murphy, what can we do to start a youth program? And I say, well, and they go, oh, I know what we have to do, let me tell you. I say, okay, you asked me a question, but you can tell me, that's fine, right? They go, we have to build a gym and bring pizza, right? Basketball and pizza, right? It's like drugs for kids, right? I was going to say something else, but we're in a little bit of a situation, so, right? It's like, they love it.

They can't control themselves. They see basketball and pizza, it's like, they go crazy. It's like catnip, right? And I'm like, well, not quite.

They go, oh, okay, I know, I know, I know, I know. We have to watch Kung Fu Panda, right? Like, they bring up like movies and stuff like that. I go, yeah, kind of, maybe, but you also, they go, no, no, I know, and they interrupt me again.

They keep saying these ideas, and all the ideas revolve around one fact. It's that they keep on spending money on building resources, on physical resources, on things, right? And then when they finally let me answer the question, I say, well, why don't you invest in a young man or a young woman, or both? We need female youth directors as well, by the way. A young man and a young woman, and you train them, and you certify them in youth directorship, and you develop them to a point where you're investing in human resources before you're building the physical resources.

Then they get confused. And there's one proof from this that's very, very strong from our deen. What came first? Let me ask the question. Did the nabi come first, or the masjid an-nabawi come first? Did

Prophet Muhammad صلّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ come first, or did the Prophet's mosque come first? The Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ came first, right?

In fact, how long did the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ live before he received the message of nubuwwah? 40 years, very good. He received the revelation when he was 40 years old, right? And during that time, during those 40 years, what was he known as? As-Sadiq al-Ameen, right? The one who's trustworthy, the one who you can bank on, you know what I'm saying? If you have a last-minute buzzer beater shot, you don't give it to Kobe. You give it to, you know what I'm saying? That's the kind of person he is, that you can trust him.

You know that he's going to get it done, right? So the Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ was known for 40 years. How many of us are 40 and in this room are older? Women, you don't have to raise your hand, I'm sorry. Men, they'd be offended, right? Everyone's like, I'm 39, right? So we have people here who are over 40, right? Or around the age of 40, right? Brother Elijah, our dear brother Elijah, right? You don't look it, you look 25, mashallah, right? Oh, okay, okay.

But you know what I'm saying? Can you imagine being 40 years old and then receiving revelation? And having those entire 40 years are what? Those entire 40 years are preparation, are time for the community to get to know you. You know the Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّم you know what's interesting is that even the people who hated him, even the people who wanted to kill him, they had nothing but respect for him. They couldn't help it.

Abu Sufyan, before he became Muslim, the Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ he married his daughter, right? And Abu Sufyan was sitting around with the people like Abu Jahl and other people who wanted to harm the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ right? And so obviously when this person, Muhammad صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ Muhammad bin Abdullah, who marries the daughter of one of these guys, what are the other guys going to do to the father? Well, not kill him, but I heard it, mock, right? They're going to start making fun of him, right? Oh my gosh, you let your daughter marry this guy? Don't you know what we're trying to do to him? Don't you know this and that?

You know Abu Sufyan's response? He said, "Wallahi, I swear by God, right?" Because they believed in Allah at the time. He said, "I do not know of any person better for my daughter to marry." It's like, then why are you plotting to kill him, bro? Like, you know, like, right? But look at the mindset.

You know the famous story that Brother Noman, you guys know Ustad Noman al-Khan, right? The famous story that you find in the books, but he told this story and people, like, are really touched by it, right? Of Ahnas ibn Shuraik and Abu Jahl and another one of the companions of Jahiliyyah. They were sitting and they would always go and listen to the Prophet recite Quran, right? And three nights in a row they caught each other. And finally the third night, they asked each other the question.

They said, what are you doing here? Why are we all listening to this? Why do we always find ourselves listening to this Quran he's reciting? What's the point? And one of them goes, is it the truth? And Abu

Jahl said, what?

Of course it's the truth. So the people who hated the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) the most, they still had the utmost respect for him. Why? Because for 40 years, he was Sadiq al-Ameen.

Remember when he was leaving and he left Ali ibn Abi Talib in his bed when he was leaving for the night journey. What did he tell Ali? He had all the belongings of the kuffar. He had all the belongings. He was like the bank. So the people of the kuffar would come to him and they would say, yeah, Muhammad, keep this safe for me. Keep this safe for me.

They would give him all of their valuables and he would keep it safe for them. At that point, they're trying to kill him, right? That night they're going to try to assassinate him. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) could have easily been like, man, you're trying to kill me? Well, I got all your jewelry, right? Peace, right? He's like, deuces, I'm out of here, right? No.

He didn't take all their stuff. He gave basically all the information to Ali and he said, give them their stuff back. He was trustworthy.

And so we see one of the first elements, one of the first bricks of the building of community is trust. Nowadays you find that a lot of times a young person, and trust me, I'm a young person. I may not look like it, but I'm young, right? And I know how you feel sometimes.

Young people want to do events at the masjid. They want to have really fun things and do events with each other. And sometimes maybe the elders might not understand right away.

So a young person comes into the masjid, and this happens oftentimes. This happened in Chicago when I was there. And they come and they start yelling at the board members, right? Like the board, the evil board, the big evil board, right? And they're like, you don't let us do this, you don't let us do this, you don't let us do this.

And the board's like, who are you? This is the first time we've seen you in this building, right? Homeboy has a revelation, in one week grows a giant Albus Dumbledore beard and comes to the masjid looking like he goes to Hogwarts and he starts yelling at the elders like, you guys are all doing bid'ah and this and this and this. It's like, man, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) spent 40 years with his people, gaining their trust. And then, even then, they had issues with him.

So how can you expect to show up at the masjid one day and say, we need a youth center, we need this, we need this, we need this, and expect people to trust you? You've got to spend time with these people, right? So we see the first brick is building trust with one another. And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) showed us this.

Now, when we talk about developing community, and by the way, I find it hilarious that your masjid expansion project is covered in Lowe's logos. Right? That wasn't very good. I find it hilarious. I think you guys should seriously, seriously, seriously, no doubt, you should take a picture of it and send it to them and say, listen, we had your back, what's up? Right? Like, I thought we were homies, right? Right?

So when we see building masjids or building community

you find masjid expansion, right? There's a masjid that I know of in a city in Texas that they are fundraising, I'm not even kidding you, they're fundraising for their masjid expansion every day.

Nahal, you know what I'm talking about? He's in here somewhere, he knows. Every day, after every salah, the brother gets up, all right, who's going to support building, like, every day, right? And the people are like, I don't have any money left, right? I don't have any money left. And they're always trying to build, build, build, build.

They're trying to expand like crazy. But they didn't focus on training a leader. You know the Prophet Muhammad (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he trained a certain sahabi, and this sahabi's name was Ammar ibn Yasir.

And this sahabi had a really interesting story. You know, his mother and his father were both, his mother was actually the first shaheed, right? His mother was the first shaheed, the shaheedah of Islam. She had that honor of being the first martyr.

And his father was also a martyr, right? So this man comes from a very noble, like, lineage. Like, his parents are like, baller status. Mashallah, right? So, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he sits with Ammar ibn Yasir.

Ammar ibn Yasir, at this point, has no more parents. And he sits and he trains him, right? It's like a mentorship program. And a lot of times we think of the Prophet Muhammad (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) as being someone who was like, always, constantly, hmm, right? Like, during namaz.

It's like, the Prophet didn't speak Urdu, right? We think of the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) as being very, very rough. Man, there were narrations that said, I never saw the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) not smiling. Like, us, as parents, I'm not a parent yet.

I just scared myself by saying that. But, as parents of the community, we need to ask the question to our youth. Have you ever seen me not smiling? They'd be like, uh, duh.

We always need to walk around with a smile. This is a prophetic quality. It's a prophetic characteristic. Be joyous.

Mashallah, our brother Shaan here, he's from Florida, he's married to one of your sisters, who lives on this street. The best investment ever is buying a house near the masjid.

Mashallah, one thing I like about brother Shaan, I'm not trying to put him on the spot, this is the first time I've ever seen a brown man go red, right? But, one thing I really enjoy about brother Shaan is that, like, he's always positive. You know? And, it's to the point where he and I haven't hung out that much. Like, we hung out randomly here and there.

He's from Michigan, or he was before he moved to Florida. So we'd see each other randomly here and there at programs. But the one thing that always sticks out, when anyone ever says, Shaan Ali Siddiqui,

right, the first thing I think after big beard is always smiling.

Always positive, mashallah. You shake his hand, it doesn't matter if he just stepped in dog poop. Like, he will be like, hey man, what's up? You know, he's very, very positive.

And I can appreciate that, and it sticks. So we all need to adapt that, mashallah. And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was like this.

So the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) he spends time mentoring this young man, Ammar ibn Yasir. Spends so much time mentoring him. Right? And they become close, and they become companions, and they become friends.

And he can always, Ammar knows, he can always go to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) for help or for advice. He knows he can always go there. So Ammar ibn Yasir, guess what happens? When the Muslims are making hijrah, and they're leaving Mecca to Medina, and there's a city outside of Medina that starts with the letter Q, or Qaf, what's it called? Quba, right? And there's a masjid there, right? And it's known as one of the first masjids constructed outside of Mecca in the time of Islam.

Right? Guess who built that masjid? Ammar ibn Yasir. Very good. Why did Ammar ibn Yasir build that masjid? Right? Did the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) fundraise for a masjid in Quba? Did he get up in front of all of you and said, we need money to build this masjid in Quba. We need people. We need you. We need you.

No. He trained one person, and he told that person that we need to build a community. We need you to become a leader of this community.

And he spent time with him, and he invested energy and love and respect with Ammar ibn Yasir to the point where when Ammar ibn Yasir went to Quba, and he's like, there's no masjid here. What did he do? He built a masjid. Right? So when we see that we, when we invest time in humans, in people, we see that they will carry out the job of taking care of the physical, right? And hopefully they won't go and get their stuff from Lowe's, inshallah.

I think that's so funny. I think it's hilarious. Now, the next step is very interesting.

Point 2: Individual Development

So we talked about, like, this kind of, like, holistic approach of developing communities, but there's a second approach that I want to talk about. And oftentimes when we talk about building communities, we don't talk enough about this point. And this point is about you and I, right? Individuals.

Communities are made up of what? People, right? Individual people. And you could argue that communities are made up of families. So people make up families, which make up communities, right? It's like an order.

But individuals are at the core of communities. Now, if the individuals in the said community, in the given community, if the individuals in that community, as we said, number one, cannot trust each other, right?

Or number two, backbite each other. Or number three, they judge each other.

Or they gossip against each other. Or they don't have trust. A lot of you said brotherhood, sisterhood, right? A fundamental part of our community.

If we don't have that, what is the strength of that community gonna be? If we don't trust one another, how strong is our community? Yes. If we do trust each other, it will be. But if we don't, it's weak.

It's very weak. You know, there's a hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) that he narrates. He said:

(Sahih Muslim)

"The one who is sought for advice is in a position of trust."

Right? So we see that this ability to trust one another is at the core of our communities. We have to develop a relationship with each other. We have to stop backbiting each other.

Right? And a lot of us might not see this. And this happens even with the practicing crowds, right? I don't like using the word religious. I don't think that word has any meaning, right? But the people who are engaged in masjid activities, how many of us have ever had someone backbite about us before? How many of us have ever had someone say something nasty or negative about us before? Raise your hand.

It's okay, you can raise your hand. Okay, you guys are a really nice community, mashallah. I've had it. I've had it a lot. Growing up, people used to say all kinds of things, right? And sometimes we do it even with our friends. How many of us we pick on our friends, we call them nicknames, right? That they might not like, right? It happens, right? Sometimes people call, they call their friends nicknames and their friends are acting like, haha, cool, cool, but inside they're like, man, that's not cool, I don't really like that.

And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us in the Qur'an, surah Al-Hujurat, He says:

"O you who believe, don't make fun of one another. Don't give each other bad nicknames. Especially because one of you might be better than the other person."

Right? So if you're making fun of someone, right, people used to call me, people used to call me Kevin Love. You guys know who Kevin Love is? He's a basketball player, right? Not as good as me, but it's okay. Everyone can try. But people used to call me that.

Now if I didn't like that name, then who knows, right? It might have hurt my feelings. And it's interesting, because I tell kids this a lot. I'm a youth director, so I work a lot with youth.

And I tell youth, I say, do you know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said in the Qur'an not to make fun of each other? And they're like, what? And I'm like, yeah, look at this verse. It says, don't call each other nicknames that they don't like. Especially evil nicknames.

And the kids are shocked. They're like, I never even knew this, right? We're focusing a lot on what we wear, what we eat, what we talk like, but we have to focus on these small issues of not calling each other out, not making fun of one another. Otherwise our communities cannot be built.

Because we won't feel the connection, we won't feel the brotherhood. So we have to develop ourselves. Part of having a successful community is becoming a better person yourself.

If you yourself are not a strong person in your faith and in your brotherhood and in your sisterhood with each other, not with each other. Like brothers are like, hey, you heard what the speaker said. Brothers and sisters gotta be strong with each other, right? Other brothers trying to get married. It's like, girls, run, quick. Right? No, but you know, it's the ability to be strong and trust and respect one another and developing your own self and developing your own iman, right? Purifying your heart. Tazkiyat an-nafs, purifying your soul.

These are the foundations, these are the building blocks of any community that is successful. Right? Oftentimes the blame is often put onto the administration, the leaders of the community, the board, right? The board is ruining our community, the board is making it difficult. No.

Right? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala He will give a community what they deserve based on the individuals in that community.

The Hadith of the Ship

There's a very famous hadith of a ship. Have you guys ever heard the hadith of the ship? It's in the Musnad of Imam Ahmed.

It's very interesting. The hadith of the ship says this, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) was sitting with his companions and he said, I'm going to give you guys a parable, an example, right? I'm going to give you guys basically a scenario. There are people on a ship, right? So these people on a ship, there are some on the top level and there are some on the bottom level.

Now let me ask you guys a question, right, for those of you who might know. On the bottom level, what are the people on the bottom level of the ship usually doing? What's that? They're rowing, right? So the people on the top are just chilling, they're hanging out. Right? The people on the bottom are the ones who are doing all the work.

Now when you do a lot of work, when you're rowing a lot, what happens? You get tired, you need to drink something, right? You need some water. Well, luckily, you're in the middle of the ocean, right? So you can just go and get some water. What happens is the people from the bottom, the Prophet (صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ) is telling this whole scenario.

He said, the people on the bottom, they row and they get tired and they go up to the top and they keep asking the people on top, can you give us water? Can you give us water? Can you give us water? And after a while, the people on the bottom, they start to feel bad because, man, we keep bothering people, right? It's like the little kids at the Dalat. They keep going upstairs and asking for stuff and the parents are

like, go, go, come on, we're watching cricket, right? So the parents are like, go, go, go, right? It's like they keep getting annoyed, annoyed, annoyed.

So the people on the bottom, they say, you know, we need to stop annoying these people on the top. I have an idea, one of them says, and the Prophet is narrating this. He says, why don't we drill a hole in the bottom of the ship? That way we can get our water directly without bothering them. What happens when you drill a hole in a ship? Okay, very good.

Titanic, right? Leo DiCaprio turns blue as he sinks into the water, or his whatever, Kate Winslet, whatever her name was. So the boat will sink, correct? So this person has this idea. Was the intention good? Was it pure? What was the intention of drilling a hole in the boat? To stop bothering the people on the top.

But it's going to end up hurting everyone. And so we learn from this that the individual, the individual has the power to affect the community, right? The person in the boat has the power to affect the rest of the community. And so in Islam, oftentimes you might try to give advice to your brother, or someone might try to give advice to you, and you feel offended, and you say it's my life, bro.

I can do what I want. I'm not affecting you. You know what I'm saying? Brother comes to you and says, you know, maybe you should start praying or something like that, or maybe you should just kind of watch your language.

And he's like, man, let me deal with it myself, right? I'm a man. And this kid's like 13 years old telling me this. I tell some kid, I'm like, maybe you should respect your parents.

He's like, I'm my own man. I take care of my own bills. I'm like, what bills? Right? Your Cheez-Its? Like, yeah.

It's really expensive, you know, buying your gummy bears, right? So we... Gummy bears are haram. Very good. Okay.

Our Islamic education is on top. Okay. But we see from this example that when someone comes and gives you advice, there's two scenarios here.

Number one is that they're just trying to help. And why are they trying to help? Because it's affecting the rest of the community. Number two is that when you give advice, don't go up and try to rub it in someone's face, right? Advice is not like a power trip.

It's not like a conquest. Like, I'm the advice giver. I'm going to walk around telling everyone they're wrong.

No. One of my teachers told me when you give someone advice, don't hand it down to them, right? Act like you're below them and you're offering it to them on like a silver platter. Right? Like, I have this advice for you.

If you want it, you can take it. You don't have to take it, right? Not like, here, take this. You need it.

Right? Because when you hand it down to them, what's the initial response going to be? Man, get out of my face. I don't want to talk to you. Right? On the other end, when someone's giving you advice, and this often happens a lot, when someone gives you advice, don't try to analyze that person's character before you take the advice.

The advice might be true. So someone might tell you, you know, you should watch your language. And this person's like, what do you know? You don't even pray Fajr.

Right? Who are you to give me advice? Does the fact that that person doesn't pray Fajr, does that affect the fact that you use bad language? No. Right? Hopefully we don't, but let's say in this scenario, hypothetically, right, don't try to investigate or analyze or criticize the person giving you advice. Look at the advice itself.

It's coming to you and it's being offered to you. Right? So the individual has the ability to affect the community.

Point 3: The Family Unit

Next is the family. And this message is for the parents from the younger people. Right? And if the parents aren't here, then InshaAllah it's recorded and everything. Parents, how many parents do we have in the room right now? MashaAllah.

May Allah increase you guys in your rizq, in your happiness, and make you live long, happy, healthy lives, InshaAllah. Ameen Ya Rabb. Parents do an amazing job.

Honestly. And I know despite popular belief, a lot of the young people are convinced that their parents hate them. Right? And the parents want to make your life terrible, they're convinced of this.

Right? It's like, they know, like, my parents hate me, man. I come home from school, she didn't even make keema, bro. She made daal. She knows I hate daal. Right? Every night, daal, daal, daal. Right? Can a guy get some gosht? Right? Like, all the Arabs are like, what is he saying? He's supposed to be one of us.

Right? All the Arabs, they eat too much adas and not enough lahma. Right? They all get it now, the late laughter. So, parents do an amazing job.

And don't ever, ever think that your parents are on your case, or that they hate you young people. But I want to say something, right? Oftentimes, when young people, when young people ask for things from parents, when children ask their parents for something, right? I want an Xbox 360, right? Or I want, kid laughs, he's like, not in my house. I'll get textbooks and worksheets for Eid.

Right? The kids will ask for something and the parents gave it to them. Kids, when your parents buy you something, is that them showing you love? When your parents buy you a pair of $100 basketball shoes, is that them showing you love? When your parents bought you that iPhone or that iPod Touch or that iPad or iWhatever, was that them showing you love?

But there's actually another, there are studies that show that kids, especially younger people, in the teenage years, they have difficulty right? Translating gifts into I love you. What does this study show us? It shows us that parents, we need to verbalize our love in our homes.

It needs to be said. You know, the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) we need to verbally and affectionately show it. The Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) everyone should say (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam). He was seriously the most amazing person.

Like if you read his life, you're just like, wow. You can't help but just love the guy. One time he had his grandkids with him, right? And he gave them a kiss.

And he was giving them kisses on the cheeks. And a Bedouin man came to him. And you guys know about the Bedouins, right? You know how like they were a little bit rough, right? They weren't like they weren't very like prim and proper and refined.

They were like, they were like the thugs, right? They were like the OGs of the desert, right? Their camels were Roland Doves, right? So, no one gets that. Okay. Joke fail.

Okay, so so this one Bedouin man came to the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) and he saw him kissing his grandkids and he said, you kiss your kids? You kiss your boys? And the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) said, yeah, I kiss my boys, right? Give them kisses. Show them love. The Bedouin man said, "Wallahi, I have ten sons and I have never once kissed any of them."

Right? He's like, what now? Right? Trying to show like he's like a macho man. He's like, I don't kiss my boys. You must be crazy.

You know what the Prophet (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam) response was? This response is interesting. Listen up. He says:

"How can I help you if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?" (Sahih al-Bukhari)

Notice by the way, he didn't say he didn't say to the man, Allah has removed mercy from your heart for your kids. He says, mercy in general, rahma, kullu, has been removed from your heart completely. If you cannot show love and affection to your own kids, then how can you have mercy for anyone else?

Parents, the litmus test to see if you are a person of mercy is do you show verbal and physical affection to your kids? That's the litmus test. I know that Hafiz Osama's in the room. That's the litmus test. If you want to see, am I a person of mercy? Ask yourself, how many times did I give my kid a hug today?

So what if you kiss them and they wipe it off? Mom, right? I just lined up my beard perfectly with a pencil, right? I don't know if that's a style anymore. I don't think so.

Jersey Shore though, right? GTL. Who cares if they wipe it off? Who cares if you hug them at school and they get embarrassed? Who cares? Trust me, later on, they're going to love that. I tell this story a lot, but

it means a lot.

I could not wait to move out of my apartment. How many guys, how many of you guys, if your parents are here, don't raise your hand. How many of you guys cannot wait to get a job and get married and just be your own men? You're just so excited.

The kid's like 12. He's like, me, me, right? I could not wait. My mom and I, are any of you Egyptian in here? My mother's Egyptian.

Do you know about Egyptian mothers? Egyptian mothers, right? Seriously, they're like, mashallah, they're amazing people, but my mom is very, very hard-headed. And so am I. But I love my mom. I love her for that.

Because if it weren't for her hard-headedness, I would not be anywhere near where I am today. And I'm not even anything special, but I wouldn't be anything near normal, right? May Allah bless all our mothers. My mom, if I didn't pray Fajr in the masjid, she wouldn't talk to me the entire day.

I would get up and pray Fajr in my room, and she's like, I don't care. The masjid's a five-minute drive. If I didn't get up and pray in the masjid, she would say, go back to bed.

She would say, don't go to work today. You don't deserve your rizq today. She was intense, bro.

It was like a reality TV show living in that house. But my mom, one thing that was interesting is that I sincerely, I love my mom, and I love my parents and my family. We're a really tight-knit family.

But I just really wanted to get out and be my own man. I wanted to live my own life, right? I could not wait to get out. I drove to Dallas because I moved to Dallas.

I had my first job for a year. Now I live in Knoxville, Tennessee, alhamdulillah. I drove to Dallas.

My friends, they dropped me off at my apartment. I was all excited. I had my new big-screen TV.

I had my own kitchen. There was no plates. I was like, where do you get all this stuff? Plates, Tupperware, forks.

Doesn't it just come with the place, right? Open the fridge, looking for leftovers. There's nothing there. Except for a water pitcher.

Lost like 30 pounds. On the first night that I was in my apartment, by myself, this big man now. Yes, I'm my own man.

22 years old, got my own job. I was laying on the floor of my apartment crying, saying I miss my mom. By myself.

You know how sad that is? My wife wasn't even there to see it. It was like an awe moment for you. But imagine my wife saw it.

She'd be like, this kid is so sweet, oh my god. I married such a softie. Come here, you.

No. I was by myself, crying to myself. I said, I miss my mom.

I called my wife and I was crying. I can't understand what you're saying. She's like, you're blubbering.

The family is very, very important. And showing love is extremely important. Showing love is extremely important.

Oftentimes we think, and Habib Osama knows a lot about this, the languages of love. He taught me about this. There are five different languages of love. You guys can look them up in this very famous book, this study. We have to be able to use verbal language. In our community, we use a lot of physical language, like giving gifts.

Your mom cooks dinner for you. That's her way of saying I love you. But mom, you know what? You also have to say it verbally.

You also have to give them the hug and the kiss. Dads, don't be afraid to give your sons hugs. Maybe kisses might be a little bit too far right away.

If they're not used to it, they're like, oh, this is awkward. But don't be afraid to tell your kids I love you. Because if they grow up, if they grow up and they start seeing the feebleness of age take over, they're going to regret not hearing it.

They're going to regret not hearing it. One time I was in my car with my dad and I was like, you know what? I'm a youth speaker now. I have to start implementing what I say.

So I look in the mirror. My dad's in the back seat because I have this big box in the front seat. I look in the mirror and I make eye contact with my dad.

I said, dad. He's like, yeah? My dad's a white guy, right? Jim Murphy. I said, dad.

He goes, yeah. I go, I love you. He goes, thank you.

Right? Because we weren't really like into showing it that much, right? But now that I live away from him, I wish I said it every day. I wish I said it every day.

Right? And this is the building block of the community.

Right? The building block is individuals and then family. And families are tied together by love. You know, a family could be going through joblessness, could be going through disease, could be going through you know, some sort of terrible catastrophe or trauma, but if they have love amongst each other, nothing can break them apart.

And the only way that we know is by telling each other. We have to show love amongst one another. It's very, very important.

Point 4: Practical Advice

Now we've had this long discussion. I've gone on for way over my time and I know that we have someone much more important, inshallah, qualified to speak and I know everyone's excited to hear him, including myself. But I want to give some practical, relevant advice as far as building community.

Right? The first advice is tonight. Tonight after this talk. I want you guys to take a piece of paper.

I want you to go home, you guys and girls, inshallah. I have this problem where I say guys and I mean girls as well, I'm sorry. Right? I want you guys and girls to take a piece of paper, go home, and look in the mirror and sit.

And I want you to say, what are some things that I want to change about myself? Right? Now a lot of us will be like, you know, I can just think about that, I can type it on my phone, it's okay, I'll email it to myself. No. There is a power in writing things with your hand.

Allah swears by the pen. There's a power in writing things with your hand. Write it down. Education studies show that when you write something down, it's as if you read it 17 times. Imagine how amazing it's going to stick in your head.

So you want to change something about yourself. You want to stop backbiting, right? You want to stop gossiping, you want to stop judging other people. Very, very, very powerful diseases of the heart. And you want to cure these diseases, write it down.

Write these diseases down. Also, look at the things that are good about yourself. Allah says:

"Give good news to those who believe [and do righteous deeds]."

So don't always concentrate on the negative things. Write down things that you like. You know what? I pray on time. That's one thing I'm very happy about myself with. I'm always good to my parents.

I try to do this. I'm good to my siblings, my brothers and sisters. Right? I'm a good friend.

I keep trusts. And I want you, inshallah, on the things that you don't want, try to eliminate them. One per like month or week.

Set up a timeline, and the things that you do well, strengthen them. This is practical. Everyone wants to talk about spirituality.

Everyone wants to talk about tazkiyat an-nafs. That's tazkiyat an-nafs. Tazkiyat an-nafs is when you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, I need to change myself.

Right? Tazkiyat an-nafs is not trying to figure out some sort of gaining as much knowledge as you can. Shaytan had the most knowledge out of anyone at that point. Right? Shaytan knows way more than any of us.

Shaytan has spoken to Allah جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ. Shaytan has met and seen all the prophets. But he still has a huge disease that he could not conquer. Right? So knowledge is not going to cure your disease alone.

Being real with yourself will cure your disease. Right? We'll call this advice real talk. Thank you.

You agree, right? Thank you. Right? The baby agreed. The second advice is also the second command in the Qur'an.

Allah جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ says in Surah Al-Baqarah:

"Give good news to the believers."

This advice, when you meet your friends, when you meet your families, when you meet each other, show gratefulness and gratitude to them. So for example, brother Nahal, he did, he mashallah with a bunch of other people, he set up this event.

Everyone, when we're leaving this event, if you had a good time, you should go and say jazakallah khair, Nahal. We really appreciate it. Hafidh Wissam came all the way from California.

All the way from California for this. That's a long flight. Was that like seven days? That's a very long flight.

When Hafidh Wissam gets up here and gives an amazing talk, inshallah, that will inspire us. Thank Hafidh Wissam. Right? You can thank me too, it's okay.

Thank people. Allah جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ is commanding the believers. If you are a believer, then you're someone who thanks people.

As the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said:

(Sahih at-Tirmidhi)

"Whoever does not thank mankind does not thank Allah."

So make sure that you show your gratitude because that'll show you that you're grateful to Allah جلّ جَلالُهُ

And the third thing is the last point that we talked about. It's to show love amongst one another.

Right? And love is shown in many different ways, but one way I want to highlight tonight is forgiveness. If you have issues with anyone in your life, if you have issues with anyone in your life, not just in this room, anyone. Let's say you just fought with your mom yesterday.

Or you got into a huge argument with your dad this morning. Right? Or you and your best friend are beefing about something. Don't have beef, make burgers.

Right? What good is beef if it's not cooked? Right? Take care of the beef. No? Not a good joke? Okay. Sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I need more Caucasians to understand this.

Okay. If you have issues with one another, this is the third advice and the last advice. Nice.

Thank you, by the way, for putting this up in the middle of my talk. I appreciate that. The webpage is not available, everyone.

The third advice is to take care of issues. You know the one thing that tears apart people? The one thing that tears apart people is when people can't forgive one another. How many marriages have we seen? How many marriages have you seen where people can just not forgive one another? And they've just Right? There's a hadith where the Prophet صلّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ tells us that shaytan one day is sitting with his shayateen, right? With his posse.

And the shayateen, he's like taking roll call. He's like, what did you do today? And the one shaytan's like, I just did this. And they're all like, ooh, nice.

Right? And it's like something evil. Something like disgusting and terrible. He influenced.

He did waswas on someone to make them make the decision to do a bad deed, right? And they go around the circle and every shaytan, every one of the shayateen has something bad. And finally the big shaytan, he asked the last one, he said, what did you do? And he said, I split up a husband and a wife.

And shaytan goes, you, you're my favorite. You did the one that I like. You're the one that I like. Right? And why the most common reason we see? Lack of forgiveness in the home.

Forgive each other. If you have problems with your friends, forgive each other. No one's perfect.

No one's perfect. Right? Realize and forgive each other. And if you're having trouble forgiving someone, think about how many times you wish someone would have forgiven you but they didn't do it.

And that'll make it a lot easier. Right? Forgive each other, inshallah. That's the true way to build communities.

Right? We need to build our relationship with each other before we can talk about building together from lows. Right? Right? Jazakallah khair. I appreciate it.

Conclusion

If I made any mistakes, please forgive me, inshallah. Any good that has come from this talk is from Allah. Anything that is mistaken or incorrect is from me.

And inshallah, I hope that everyone will enjoy our dear brother, Hafidh Wissam, who has come here all the way from California, inshallah. Jazakallah khair.