Gentleness (الرفق)

Gentleness (الرفق) - Complete Khutbah

Opening

The Challenge of Might vs. Right

One of the challenges that we encounter as human beings is that we develop ideas and notions and beliefs that we believe to be most effective in accomplishing something. And we develop these ideas or these thoughts and these practices based off of our own experiences, our own anecdotes.

One idea or example that has become prevalent is the idea that might is right and that people have to be tough in order to accomplish something. You know, I was once at a gathering where a lot of young business students were learning from a mentor. There was a mentor who was very successful in business, made a lot of money, had a lot of success in his industry. And he was telling the students that in order to get anything done, you have to be mean to people, you have to be tough with people.

And I couldn't help but think to myself when I heard him say that. He was a Muslim by the way. I couldn't help but think to myself that, subhanAllah, is this the method that the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) used in order to accomplish things? Was his asal, was his default to be tough with people so that he could accomplish what he wanted to accomplish? The answer is no.

Islam as Our Greatest Blessing

And this is actually one of the biggest mercies that we have in our religion. You know, they say and we teach our young people especially from Sunday school that Islam is the biggest blessing that we have. And one of the reasons why Islam is the biggest blessing that we, any of us could have, alhamdulillah, is because it teaches us how to view things, how to interpret things.

You know, when you have a computer, it makes your life a lot easier because you can plug in data and it produces an answer for you quickly. Islam is the same way. We have all kinds of thoughts and ideas. We need to go ahead and process them through our religion, through our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and through the example of His Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم). And in that example we'll find what truly is the best way to live.

The Quranic Verse and Its Grammatical Beauty

And this is what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala was saying to us in the ayah that I just recited, when Allah says لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللهِ - "There already is in the Messenger of Allah." Understand this, this verse has a lot of grammatical nuance that's very beautiful.

Number one is Allah uses the word كان, which means that it's already happened, it's already done. But let me ask you a question, when this verse is being revealed, is the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) still alive? Yes. So Allah is saying that no matter what the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) does in his life, he's been divinely guided to act in a way where every single thing that he does is a beautiful example for you.

And the word في Allah says لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ الله - "In the Messenger of Allah," not ،حول رسول الله عند رسول الله,not with him or around him, but in the Messenger of Allah. In Arabic this is known as مجاز figurative language. It means that every single thing about the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) is known as أَسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ a beautiful pattern, the best example that a person can have.

So when any of us in our personal, family, professional life think of something, never ever ever forget that we have to measure it up against what Allah جل جلاله has said and the example from the prophetic tradition (صلى الله عليه وسلم) . And in that measurement, it's like playing a transparency over something. The only way we'll know if we get it right is if we check it up against the example of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)

The Prophetic Teaching on Gentleness

One of these topics that I just mentioned, which is might is right, be tough, get things done. And when we measure it up against the example of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)we find that this is actually not how he operated, (صلى الله عليه وسلم)

We have a narration where he was speaking to Aishah رضي الله عنها By the way, this is one of the beautiful examples of what a relationship can be between a husband and a wife. That the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم), he was teaching his wife Aishah something that was beneficial to not only her, but to the rest of humanity, and she taught it to all of us رضي الله عنها

Where he says to Aishah رضي الله عنهاhe says:

"O Aishah, Allah is the most gentle, most compassionately caring and gentle, and He loves it. He loves gentleness." [Sahih Muslim]

He loves it when people are gentle with each other. This alone, brothers and sisters, this statement alone, is enough of a reason for us to be gentle with one another. Just the mere fact that Allah's characteristic is rifq, that He is gentle with everything, and that He loves gentleness should be enough of a motivator for us.

But then the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) goes on to explain. And this is the example that we take. That he says:

"Allah gives things through their gentleness that they will never ever receive through harshness." [Sahih Muslim]

The secret key to unlocking attainment of your goal, whatever goal you have, is not عُنْف is not being difficult, is not being harsh, but it's being gentle.

"And actually he completes it by saying, and nothing Allah جل جلاله gives, except it is upon that. Meaning that except it is upon gentleness."

So we learn here something amazing.

Understanding the Proper Methodology

You know one of the reasons why people are difficult and why we're tough with each other, is because we don't think about the method or the process, we only think about the goal. I want to get something, so I will act a certain way, no matter what, so I can get that thing. You know who else has this methodology? Children, when they pout.

When kids are pouting, I know all of us love pouting, all of you parents love pouting, right? When your kids have a tantrum. When they're exhibiting that behavior, they're saying, I don't really care how I get it, I just want to get it. And this is not from the methodology of Islam.

The believer has a personality where they are just as concerned about how we do something and also how we get something as getting it itself. We want the pleasure of Allah. We want to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam. How do we do it? We do it with things that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala loves. We don't do it in ways that we imagine and we think up, we do it in ways that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala loves.

So we are as concerned of how we do things as we are about achieving the goal. So the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam said here, you can be tough all you want. You can be harsh all you want. You will not achieve the goal that you want until you employ gentleness with each other.

The True Test of Gentleness

And what's interesting by the way is that gentleness and easy going, being easy going and loving is actually very easy when times are good. You know one time, there was a story that came out in Chicago after the Bulls won their like 900th championship mashaAllah, right? I'm speaking in Boston, the city of championships but bear with me inshaAllah.

Where they asked subhanAllah, one of the players said, we hated, all of us hated Michael Jordan. We hated it, right? This is like a statement of Kufr in Chicago by the way. If you say we hate Michael Jordan. So he said, we hated Michael Jordan.

And the reporter said, seriously? You hated Michael Jordan? He said, yeah, we all hated him. He said, but you guys played so well together. You were so successful. And he said, when you're winning, everyone loves each other, right? When times are good, it's easy to be nice to people. When times are bad, that's when people start to get difficult. That's when people start to get tough.

So when we talk about rifq and being gentle, you know some of us right now, we're thinking like, yeah, you know what? When I got that pay raise that day, I got home, I went home to my wife and I was really nice to her, right? Or when my kids came home with all A's on the report card, I was very gentle with them.

But the reality is, the true test is, are you and I gentle when our backs are up against the wall? Are we gentle when things are going south?

Examples from the Prophet's Life

I want to give you a couple of examples of how the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was gentle when times were tough.

The Battle of Uhud

You know, subhanAllah, on the day of Uhud, the day of the battle of Uhud, where the believers were, you know, backstabbed and torn by the Khalid bin Walid who at the time was not a Muslim,رضي الله عنه he was not a Muslim at the time. He was a general of the army of Quraysh. When they thought that they had won the battle, and then the Quraysh came back around from behind the mountain and attacked them, and this led to a couple of things.

Number one, it led to the injury of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Because the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he gave a group of archers specific directions. There was a group of archers, and if you know anything about this, you know, the strategy, the goal of the archers is to protect, you know, the main cavalry from any sneak attack because they have what? High ground.

So he told these archers, you guys stay here, and do not come off of this mountain. This is an explicit command. Do not come off of this mountain. He said, even if you see birds picking us apart, our dead bodies, like you think the battle is overخلاصdon't leave your spot.

So what ended up happening was during this battle, the Muslims began to actually win the battle, and there were some moments where the Quraish tried to come from behind, the archers fired arrows, and they went back. So the plan was working. The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam's strategy was working, implemented beautifully.

What ended up happening when the Muslims started to win and there was noticeable advancing on the Muslim side, there started to be a lot of armor and a lot of money being left in the battlefield. Because the Muslims were winning, they were moving forward, and the archers started noticing, hey, there's a lot of wealth down there just sitting. There's a lot of armor, there's a lot of valuable things that we could be collecting, everyone else is going to get first opportunity.

You know, it's like a buffet line here in Ramadan, like when iftar is served. People run, people want to pray in the back of maghrib so they can quickly go and eat, right? So the archers are sitting and they're saying, look, there's money just sitting there. And their desire for that wealth overcame them, and most of them left.

Some of them stayed, but most of them left. When the archers left that mountain, Khalid bin Walid saw it. And he knew, he knew that this is our chance, this is our time. So they went back around behind the mountain that the archers were on, and they snuck, and they actually got to the immediate location of (صلى الله عليه وسلم) the Prophet Muhammad

And the Quraysh, some of the soldiers, they got and they actually even struck the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم). One of them took his sword, struck the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) on his head. His helmet, which had some edges right here, cut into his cheeks. It chipped some of his teeth. He was bleeding profusely. This led to the all out chaos. Once the believers realized that they were being attacked now from two fronts, from two sides, it led to all out chaos.

You know what happened? Because the archers didn't listen. You know what happened? The uncle of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) Hamza was martyred. One of the closest companions to the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)Musa ibn Umair was martyred. A large amount of companions were killed in this battle.

This is where rifq is tested. How did the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) respond to the archers? Did he tell them, all of you, this is your fault, we're gonna execute you and kill you now. No, he was gentle with them. After everyone retreated and the battle was over, he didn't excommunicate them, he didn't kick them out, he didn't call them out, he didn't even gather them and say, all of this is your fault.

He had rifq, he had gentleness with people. Because as Allah said, if you were harsh with them, they would turn away from you. You see, we think that being tough with people is the best way to get what we want, but actually it's not true. Being gentle with people is the best way to get what we want, even if we are in a state of pain.

The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, Uhud was the most painful day of my life. He would cry when he thought of losing his uncle Hamza, but he was still gentle with people.

The Incident with Hatib ibn Abi Balta'ah

Another example of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)'s gentleness, when someone made a mistake, was during Fath Makkah, the conquest of Makkah, or the opening of Makkah.